“Shame on you!” I am sure that you have had this idiom directed towards you at some point in your life. Perhaps your hand was caught in the cookie jar, or you sneakily opened the bag of candy your mom forbade you from eating. Regardless of the infraction, you’ve heard it before. You likely understand what it means now, although depending on how young you were when you heard it as a child, it might have confused you then. “Shame on you!” is another way of saying, “You should be ashamed of yourself!”.
The phrase is supposed to cause one to realize they have broken a rule and feel bad about it, but what is shame? Shame is the “painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.”[1] And although most of us have been told “Shame on you!” as a child, unfortunately, shame doesn’t magically dissipate upon entrance into adulthood. What about Christians? Are believers exempt from the devastating effects of shame? As with all things in the Christian life, the answer requires a deeper examination of Scripture.
Shame is a powerful and often debilitating emotion that can weigh heavily on a Christian’s faith and well-being. It’s a feeling of unworthiness and self-condemnation that can be challenging to overcome. And while shame is closely linked to guilt, they are not synonymous. Guilt is impartial; shame is relational. Guilt is the feeling in your gut when you feel bad for your actions. Shame is not felt within your gut; rather, it is a negative emotional reaction within the context of a community or a relationship. Shame can be tricky, but thankfully, Scripture will help us navigate the stormy seas of shame.
The first step in dealing with shame is to recognize its source. Shame often stems from sin or past mistakes. In Romans 3:23, we see the reminder that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” It’s essential to understand that no one is exempt from making mistakes (even Believers!), and it’s part of our human nature. Ever since the Fall, all of humanity has had to deal with the sin problem. Acknowledging our shortcomings is the first step toward healing.
Seek Forgiveness and Repentance
The Bible teaches us the importance of seeking forgiveness and repentance for our sins. In 1 John 1:9 we are assured, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” By confessing our sins to God and genuinely repenting, we can experience the forgiveness and cleansing that only God can provide. This is a crucial step in alleviating the burden of shame. Repentance might sound like an antiquated word, but it is necessary in the life of every believer! Repentance is simply agreeing with God that sin is sin and turning 180 degrees to travel in the opposite direction of that particular sin.
Accept God’s Unconditional Love
Understanding and accepting God’s unconditional love for us is paramount in dealing with shame. Romans 5:8 reminds us that “God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love is not based on our performance but on His grace and mercy; furthermore, God’s love is not based on our feelings! This is key! My dear sister or brother in Christ, the sooner you realize how misleading your feelings are, the better. NOTHING in the Christian life is based on feelings. God loves you as much right now as he has ever loved you. Scripture tells us that nothing -NOTHING- can separate us from the love of God.
Romans 8:35–39 (CSB)
35Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: Because of you we are being put to death all day long; we are counted as sheep to be slaughtered. 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Embrace Grace and Mercy
As Christians, we must extend the same grace and mercy to ourselves that God provides. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift—not from works, so that no one can boast.” Remember that you are not saved by your own efforts but by God’s grace. Extend that grace to yourself, understanding that you are a work in progress.
Share with a Trusted Friend or Mentor
My wife and I purchased our home nearly five years ago. The house was constructed over fifty years ago. At that time, exhaust fans in bathrooms were not a thing. After only a few weeks, I saw mold in the corner of our bathroom ceiling. But then I realized other areas, the areas without sunlight, had much more mold and mildew. Mold and mildew thrive in darkness, just like shame. Shame often flourishes in isolation and in the darkness. Proverbs 28:13 encourages us, “The one who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy.” After you confess your sin to God, opening up to a trusted friend, pastor, or mentor who can provide the support and encouragement needed to overcome shame might be helpful. Remember: we don’t confess and share our sins with others for them to mediate on our behalf; nowhere in the New Testament is this taught. Rather, we see, “For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus,” 1 Tim 2:5.
Focus on Renewing Your Mind
Renewing your mind through prayer, meditation on Scripture, and Biblical affirmations can help change your thought patterns. Romans 12:2 reminds us, “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Replace self-condemning thoughts with God’s truth and affirmations of your identity in Christ. We have the privilege as Christians to renew and transform our minds daily! Unlike the lost who seek out and clamor for purpose and meaning in fads, trends, and anything shiny and new, believers can receive a daily dose of renewal and transformation direct from the source and Creator of the universe!
Remember Your Identity in Christ
Lastly, remember your identity in Christ. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, we are told, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!” Your past does not define you; your identity is now in Christ. Embrace this truth, and it will help you overcome shame. When you sin, go to the Lord with haste; don’t delay! Confess your sins to Him, repent, and rest in His grace. The Lord will forgive you! However, I would be remiss if I failed to share some words of warning.
If you have sought forgiveness from the Lord and repented, your transgression is forgiven! If you feel shame creep in on you after the fact, as mentioned earlier, seek out your pastor, elder, or Christian friend and talk with them. After you have done all this and you still hear a whisper calling out your shame, it is safe to say that this is likely the enemy’s work. Never forget that Satan is a liar and deceiver; it is his inescapable nature.
John 8:44, “You are of your father the devil,s and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderert from the beginningu and does not stand in the truth,v because there is no truth in him. When he tells a lie, he speaks from his own nature,E because he is a liar and the father of lies. [2]
“Not today, Satan!” is a slogan I’ve seen on t-shirts, bumper stickers, and social media. As silly and simple as it sounds, I think it is a perfect reaction when you feel the enemy shaming you for sin that’s been confessed, forgiven, and tossed into the sea of forgetfulness. The Lord will never shame you for sin you’ve been forgiven of. God’s love and forgiveness keep no record of wrongs. (1Cor 13:5)
Conclusion
Dealing with shame as a Christian is a process. It requires faith, self-compassion, and a willingness to accept God’s forgiveness and grace. By recognizing the source of shame, seeking forgiveness, repenting, and accepting God’s love, shame will slowly dissolve. Furthermore, you can find healing and redemption from shame by extending grace to yourself, seeking support from others, renewing your mind, and embracing your identity in Christ. Remember that God’s love and mercy are always available to lift the burden of shame from your shoulders.
[1] “Dictionary.Com,” n.d.
Pastor Bob 
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